The Other Elephant in the room

Bismillah

O you who believe! Eat of the good things that We have provided for you and be grateful to Allah, if it is Him that you worship (Qur’an ch2:v172)

The one thing that you must know about my beloved husband is that he is brutally honest. He tries to be diplomatic but it fails him, he has got no sweet way of telling the truth. If you take your shoes off and your feet smell, he will let you know, while some of us will suffer in silence. Sometimes it hurts but when you sit alone and reflect on what he has said, you will find nothing but the truth staring at you, and that dear reader is something that many of us do not like hearing. One of the many truths that he tells is about the size of my waist and other people’s waists. Yes! The other elephant in the room, Weight! Body Mass! The way that Fat decides to settle in the body.

On my first birthday with my husband, he bought me a skipping rope, and as all women would react, I was upset but I tried not to show it, but in the end I decided to let him know that I was upset by this birthday gift and made him know that I did not think that this was an appropriate birthday gift. He explained that health is one of the most important things in his life and it is something that he wishes that we would always be conscious of in our marriage, and he thought that since birthdays mark age, growth, reflection and resolutions, it would be great to give me something that symbolizes fitness and I could utilize it to keep a healthy body. I understood him, really I truly got him, he can be deep like that but I was still upset. Later on during the year, one of the secretaries in the company he was working for had her fortieth birthday, so in order to stay safe he decided to take a female colleague with him to go shopping for a non-offensive, constitutionally correct,  appropriate gift. So he settled on a scale, yes, a bathroom scale, the other truth-teller that we try to avoid. I see you raising your eyebrows, shaking your head and putting up the red flags and thinking…”What was he thinking?” Well, this is what he was thinking. The scale did not mean just keeping track of body mass, but it also symbolized keeping her life in check.  He explained how he thought the scale and what it represents would remind her that she is now forty and has to constantly keep checking and weighing her life in order to live a healthy wholesome life. However, the first thought that came to mind when the secretary open her gift was “Mr Dolamo, so you think that I am fat?” typical female response. He explained to me how this gift became a terrible offensive incongruous gift.

Ladies let us women up! We need to be told when we are crossing the limit. We need to stop biting people’s heads off and face the truth. We want people to feel sorry for us when the doctor tells us that we have diabetes, hypertension, liver failure etc. but we do not feel sorry for ourselves when we eat that extra piece of cake and find all the excuses in the world not to exercise.  

Eight years later as I reflect, I have come to realize how important and appropriate a gift that skipping rope was. Out of all the gifts such as a radio, a phone, a watch, rings, the skipping rope, as simple as it is beats all of them. It represents life, vitality, health and love. . A skipping rope can help baby fat disappear after giving birth to a baby, a skipping rope can replace a 30 minute workout into a ten minutes skip. Thinking of the tier around my waist and the calories that have shrunk my clothes,This man loves me enough that he wants to see me live a long healthy quality life. I face the truth and I also pray that by now the secretary has also realized how precious and appropriate of a gift that scale was.  

So ladies before we get offended when someone who loves us comments on our extra kilos, let us remember that they may just be trying to prevent us from becoming the other elephant in the room.

What is left for me now is to face the bigger truth,  that I have to humble myself and apologize to Mr Dolamo.

Peace

Leto - part 5

By the time the second course meal reached our table, I had already heard about Leto’s entire family tree, his school antics, the teachers that hated him and the girls that he used to drive crazy but he quickly changed the focus from that topic. I used that as my cue to start searching him for answers.  “Leto!” I called out to him. “Why am I really here?” I asked. “Well to eat.” he said. “I could be eating at Res, why did you ask me out to eat with you?” I further asked. “Well we’ve known each other for a while, so I thought why not go out to eat like normal friends.” He responded. ‘Friends!?’ I asked myself. Did he dine at romantic Italian restaurants with all his ‘friends’? I breathed in deeply and let out an abysmal sigh. “Leto, I do not think that you and I are just friends”. He put his fork down and gave me a surprised look. “What do you mean we are not just friends?” he asked. I felt an invisible rope sit around my neck but I continued. “Judging by your behavior around me, I cannot say that we are just friends. You text and call me in the middle of the night, you ask me profoundly personal questions, you talk and smile at me in a manner that you do not with anyone else, just look around Leto? We are in a romantic set-up, I wouldn’t do this for friends!” I felt the invisible rope tightening around my neck and I could hardly swallow my own spittle, but I continued. “Leto, all these months that all of this has been happening I have been busy developing feelings for you that are beyond friendship, and I would genuinely like to know if I am wasting my time or is there something genuinely developing between us”. He let out a nervous cackle and looked at me then started eating again. This time he was taking smaller portions into his mouth and chewing slowly as if he was buying some time. I was becoming impatient but my inner conversations kept me calm, so I continued eating at his pace, with each bite I was internally saying to him ‘I am not going anywhere until we finish this conversation.’ We both finally finished eating. “Should we order dessert?” he asked. “Only if you are ready to be completely honest with me,” I replied. He let out a huge sigh and asked, “If I choose to be truthful do you promise to understand?” I desperately wanted to know the truth therefore I said “Yes” even though I was uncertain that I would actually understand. We ordered our dessert and after the waiter had left Leto pulled his chair towards my right side. He now looked very serious and I began to worry.

To be continued…

Leto -Part 6

“I have a girlfriend.” That rope finally tightened around my neck and I could not say a word. He continued, “We have been together since high school, I was not looking outside for anything, but when I met you I felt so drawn towards you.” I wanted to get up and leave, but my body was somehow stuck to the chair. I was forced to continue listening to him. “I tried to talk myself out of feeling this way about you, and I tried to ignore you, those are the days when you thought I was being cold, believe me I was not, I was just trying not to act upon this attraction that I feel towards you.” “I am stuck between reviving a relationship that is dying or going for a new relationship, I did not mean to seem like I was playing around, I was trying to avoid any attachments, but this is what I am honestly going through.” He dipped his head and then looked at me. “I was trying to get to know you so I could make a definite decision.” The more he talked the more I started feeling a strange pain in my chest. I was shocked and angry but I had promised to understand, however did that mean that I shouldn’t be angry? I felt my eyes fill up with salty water, my mind was blank, and my heart suddenly felt too heavy for my own chest and breathing felt like a great task. The waiter broke the tension when he brought our dessert, so I quickly excused myself and rushed to the restroom. As soon as I opened the restroom’s door, tears flooded my eyes. They say that the truth shall set you free, but this truth did not set me free. I expected a simple “Yes I dig you” or a “No, I have no such feelings for you”. I guess this is what people mean when they say ‘It is complicated’. After a good ten minutes of crying I washed my face, reached into my bag for my face cream, opened the lid and slowly applied it, I decided not to re-apply my make-up and just put on some lip-balm. When I was done, I slowly approached our table and sat down. “are you ok?” Leto asked. “May we please eat and enjoy our dessert?” I requested. He slowly nodded his head while giving me a bothered look. I think he was afraid to say anything else.

Leto had ordered a strawberry cheese cake while I had ordered a chocolate mousse. It was the best dessert that I had ever tasted, in spite of what had just happened twenty minutes ago, the dessert brought an incredible comfort to my heart while my breathing reached its Zen moment.  I did not know how Leto was feeling at that very moment, but somehow I did not care to know. We silently and slowly had our dessert while avoiding any eye contact. When we were done eating he asked me if I had anything to say, I looked at him in the eye and calmly said “No.” “May we please leave?” I requested. “Uhm…” Leto tried to say something but I quickly cut him off and asked in a commanding tone, “May we please just no longer talk?” he nodded his head in a surrendering body tone. He signaled our waiter to bring the bill and shortly thereafter we were in the car and on our way back to Res. The trip back was short and quiet, we did not bother putting the Radio on. When we reached the Res parking area, I looked at Leto and smiled at him adoringly and said “Thank you for telling me the truth and I understand, see you around. Bye Leto.”

The End.