The Other Elephant in the room

Bismillah

O you who believe! Eat of the good things that We have provided for you and be grateful to Allah, if it is Him that you worship (Qur’an ch2:v172)

The one thing that you must know about my beloved husband is that he is brutally honest. He tries to be diplomatic but it fails him, he has got no sweet way of telling the truth. If you take your shoes off and your feet smell, he will let you know, while some of us will suffer in silence. Sometimes it hurts but when you sit alone and reflect on what he has said, you will find nothing but the truth staring at you, and that dear reader is something that many of us do not like hearing. One of the many truths that he tells is about the size of my waist and other people’s waists. Yes! The other elephant in the room, Weight! Body Mass! The way that Fat decides to settle in the body.

On my first birthday with my husband, he bought me a skipping rope, and as all women would react, I was upset but I tried not to show it, but in the end I decided to let him know that I was upset by this birthday gift and made him know that I did not think that this was an appropriate birthday gift. He explained that health is one of the most important things in his life and it is something that he wishes that we would always be conscious of in our marriage, and he thought that since birthdays mark age, growth, reflection and resolutions, it would be great to give me something that symbolizes fitness and I could utilize it to keep a healthy body. I understood him, really I truly got him, he can be deep like that but I was still upset. Later on during the year, one of the secretaries in the company he was working for had her fortieth birthday, so in order to stay safe he decided to take a female colleague with him to go shopping for a non-offensive, constitutionally correct,  appropriate gift. So he settled on a scale, yes, a bathroom scale, the other truth-teller that we try to avoid. I see you raising your eyebrows, shaking your head and putting up the red flags and thinking…”What was he thinking?” Well, this is what he was thinking. The scale did not mean just keeping track of body mass, but it also symbolized keeping her life in check.  He explained how he thought the scale and what it represents would remind her that she is now forty and has to constantly keep checking and weighing her life in order to live a healthy wholesome life. However, the first thought that came to mind when the secretary open her gift was “Mr Dolamo, so you think that I am fat?” typical female response. He explained to me how this gift became a terrible offensive incongruous gift.

Ladies let us women up! We need to be told when we are crossing the limit. We need to stop biting people’s heads off and face the truth. We want people to feel sorry for us when the doctor tells us that we have diabetes, hypertension, liver failure etc. but we do not feel sorry for ourselves when we eat that extra piece of cake and find all the excuses in the world not to exercise.  

Eight years later as I reflect, I have come to realize how important and appropriate a gift that skipping rope was. Out of all the gifts such as a radio, a phone, a watch, rings, the skipping rope, as simple as it is beats all of them. It represents life, vitality, health and love. . A skipping rope can help baby fat disappear after giving birth to a baby, a skipping rope can replace a 30 minute workout into a ten minutes skip. Thinking of the tier around my waist and the calories that have shrunk my clothes,This man loves me enough that he wants to see me live a long healthy quality life. I face the truth and I also pray that by now the secretary has also realized how precious and appropriate of a gift that scale was.  

So ladies before we get offended when someone who loves us comments on our extra kilos, let us remember that they may just be trying to prevent us from becoming the other elephant in the room.

What is left for me now is to face the bigger truth,  that I have to humble myself and apologize to Mr Dolamo.

Peace